I’d follow my passion, but…..
I’d ask for the promotion, but…..
I’d launch a new company, but…..
Yeah, but he’s already made his money so he can afford to follow his passion.
Yeah, but she’s luckier than I am, that’s why she’s thriving.
Yeah, but it’s a really difficult time economically.
And so on, and so on, and quite boringly, so on.
We’ve got just one life….
Wouldn’t it be a shame to waste one more precious moment of it being part of “The ‘Yeah But’ Brigade?”
“Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”
Nowhere in any dictionary is selling defined as: “The act of brow-beating a person or persons over the head until they see things your way.”
Nor does it involve exasperated outbursts or theatrical arm-throwing when ‘they just don’t get it.’
Selling is a relationship; simple and clean. You give; you get.
Every time they don’t get it, ask yourself if you’re doing everything in your power to make sure they will.
And if they still don’t get it, maybe it’s time to find the audience and tribe who will.
You know the one.
The boss that hovers and second guesses; who answers for you in meetings. The one who blames you when things go wrong, and takes the credit when everything goes right.
When it comes to the people we work for, there’s not a lot we can do to change their bad behavior––especially when they fancy themselves just as they are.
But what we can do––what we have a duty to do––is to make sure that we don’t let the people around us––especially the ones above us––turn us into someone we have no desire to be. You may not be able to change them, but you most certainly have the power to make a claim for yourself; to choose who, and how, you will be.
And who knows? Maybe over time, a little bit of your goodness will manage to swim itself upstream.
Resistance: A force that tends to oppose motion; the capacity of an organism to defend itself against a disease; an underground organization engaged in a struggle for national liberation in a country under military or totalitarian occupation.
Obstinance: Resolute adherence to your own ideas or desires; bullheadedness, pigheadedness.
See the difference?
Resistance can be healthy; even downright noble at times. Obstinance never is. Not ever.
You say you want to change; you say you’re ready to push through. But when every suggestion (or teensy, tiny critique) results in a conversation-stopper, you gotta be willing to ask yourself, ‘Resistance, or obstinance?’
Is ‘no’ a line from an old script––something you’ve hung onto for so long, you no longer remember the reasons why? Is it part of an ancient battle; an outmoded defense? Does your ‘no’ serve you, (be honest here) or is your pigheadedness getting in your way?
Pride or growth? The rest of us are cheering you on, but really, it’s up to you. Totally.
“Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.”
– Lao Tzu
Resumes. Ah. Now that’s a tricky one.
Why?
Because resumes label and most people can’t see past labels. So if your label doesn’t precisely match the one the organization is searching for, then you’ll get dismissed, straight out-of-the-gate.
It takes an out-of-the-box thinker to see that what you’ve done or where you’ve studied doesn’t equate to who you are. It takes an innovator to understand that a person’s past (or lack of one) does not mentor their future.
But the real hurdle is not the question of whether the resume handler has the chops to get past your past…it’s whether or not you do.
Can you see how your film school background makes you uniquely qualified to manage new media initiatives? Or that those CPA initials don’t forever brand you as a non-creative? Because if you can’t, it’s a certainty that no one else will.
Re-branding yourself is not simply about dusting off and polishing up an old resume. It’s more than that: It’s about reinvention. And reinvention ain’t for sissies. It takes courage. The courage to shed the labels of your past and redefine yourself for the future. The courage to stand steady under fire. The courage to act with fearless determination no matter how many times you hear the word ‘no.’
So before you begin to sell yourself, make sure you believe in what you’re selling. And remember, the only devil at the gate is you.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou
Remember the days when Valentine’s wasn’t just about overpriced dinners and ridiculous underwear? The days of pigtails and innocence, and dime store cards and candy hearts. When February 14 wasn’t just for lovers, or closest family and best friends, but a day in which we cast a wider net of appreciation––A card for our teacher; the neighbor next store who let you swim in her pool; the babysitter who painted your toenails glittery red.
Maybe it’s time to get back to some Valentine’s Day basics. To remember that this is not just a day when lovers get to stare googly-eyed across linen tablecloths, but a day we each have the opportunity to express loving gratitude to all those in our lives who matter. To the assistant who always gets things right; the product team for pulling those all nighters; and the unsung heroes in the warehouse who made sure you shipped in time.
A day to honor all the people who do things for you not because they have to, but because they want to. Because you take the time to let them know how vital they are and how much they mean to you. Because you know, the single most important thing, is how you make them feel.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all.
(And why it’s not so preposterous after all.)
Many of us, (women especially) have a hard time acknowledging our value and establishing our self-worth. We agonize over what a client can pay (versus what they should), or that our boss will wince when we ask for that raise. And because we worry we’ll come across too arrogantly when we push those deal terms across the table, we sell ourselves short. We let the fear of ‘no’ (the fear of rejection) stop us before we even begin.
How do we get past this? Well, the short answer is, “It’s really, really hard.” In fact, the tendency to self-discount is one of the most difficult things in the world to overcome. Why? Because there are layers and layers of emotional, psychological and cultural complexities that underlie issues of low self-worth. Conquering this big daddy, doesn’t happen overnight. But it if you’re committed, and you keep working it, you will beat it. You just gotta keep believing.
In the meantime, (as you’re working on the root causes) there are some tools you can use to help you push your way through and up; starting with an exercise I call the ‘Preposterous Proposal.’ Here’s how it works:
1) Next time you pitch a project, negotiate a raise, or put deal terms in front of investors, first write yourself a ‘Preposterous Proposal’––one that accrues so advantageously to your benefit, you can’t imagine anyone in their right mind saying yes to it. (This step should make you uncomfortable; even a wee bit embarrassed by the scope and scale of your ask.)
2) Once you’ve written your ‘Preposterous Proposal,’ SHOW yourself all the ways the essence of your shining star (your experience, your unique skill set, your commitment to the extraordinary, your company’s competitive advantage) makes what you’re asking for not so very preposterous at all. To help push yourself along, imagine you’ve hired a PR firm to put the spin on ‘you’, or an advertising agency to create your Superbowl commercial. What would that look and sound like? How might someone else sing your praises? (It is important that you really give this part of the exercise an appropriate level of attention––you have to believe in what you’re asking for so make a case for it; pull out numbers and spreadsheets if you need to; look at customer testimonials; write a list of all your career successes. Get to know yourself again––your true self––the one worth every penny she’s asking for.)
3) Take the first draft of your ‘Preposterous Proposal,’ save a version and put it aside.
4) Using the first draft as a starting point, eliminate any “I’m King of the World!” ridiculousness. (Those bits were only there to help you get over the ‘I’m not worthy’ hurdle.) Professionalize it; put it in a form that you can pitch with a straight face. (Selling is good; embellishments of truth are not. Make SURE everything you infer factually is indeed a fact.)
5) Now here’s the telling part: Take your original ‘Preposterous Proposal,’ along with your revised proposal, to a trusted third-party (adviser/mentor/coach) and ask for their opinion. Have you watered down your first ‘out of your comfort zone’ proposal too much? Are you still selling yourself short, or does your revised proposal feel like it is ‘on the money’? (An objective opinion from a skilled professional will help insure you don’t leave money on the table.)
6) Next, a reality check. This exercise is about helping you push the envelope so you get comfortable with making a much ‘bigger ask.’ But you simultaneously have to get comfortable with what doing so may mean. You may indeed, hear ‘no.’ In certain instances ‘no’ will open the door to a negotiated ‘yes’ that creates a fabulous win. In others, the first ‘no’ will be the end of it. If that thought makes you a little nervous, I get it. Sometimes you just can’t afford a ‘no’––especially when you’re first starting out. But, here’s the deal: It’s better that you make a conscious decision to discount your services versus allowing your insecurities to discount you.
7) Finally, a note on civility. Generally speaking, people don’t take issue with the fact you’ve asked; what they take issue with is how you’ve asked. Remember this is an ask, not a demand. Be respectful and gracious, even when you’re turned down. And remember, don’t take any of it personally. No person or company or ‘no’, establishes your self-worth. You do that; for yourself, by yourself.
Keep at this long enough and in time, it will become second nature. And as with most things in this miraculous Universe of ours, once you get comfortable with who you are and what your value is; doors will open and opportunities will find you.
Oh, how I wish it weren’t so. Wish you could just push aside all those fears and hurts; regrets and false moves. Wish you could hide them in the back of your closet alongside all that other stuff you own but would rather forget–––like camping gear and that very odd hat you bought two summers ago. But it is doesn’t work that way and no amount of wishing will make it so. Simply put: You got to feel to heal.
But wait a minute. What’s that you say? Denial is working just fine, thank you very much! Well, maybe it is…for now. Maybe you can hold on and out for a little bit longer, but eventually, denial will come looking for you, wanting his due. And if denial and his thug friends have to track you down, well, it won’t be pretty my friend. No siree. It will NOT be pretty.
Fine, you say, but what the heck does this have to do with my business, anyway? Unfinished business effects your business––that’s just the way it works. As much as we’d like to believe that we can compartmentalize, we can’t––there is interrelatedness in everything we think/feel/do. Derail yourself; and in time, your business will follow.
So you can do this one of two ways––on your own terms, and in your own way….Or, you can fall prey to those cosmic forces that will even the score in ways that are infinitely less subtle; less gentle than if you head them off at the pass. Either way, you’re gonna have to deal.
But you get to decide: Are you going to make friends with your past (heal it, purge it) or are you going to let it rob you of your future? One of the two of you ain’t getting outta here alive. It’s your choice. Him or you?
